The myth of bouncing-back: a postpartum reality check
We can't simply 'bounce back', but even if we could, would we want to?
The internet is full of advice for new mums about how to bounce back. The vast majority of this bouncing back is focused on your body shape, and how to get it back to an idealised pre-pregnancy version. There are a series of magic solutions available. Special diets, special exercise routines, special ‘follow me on Instagram and that’ll do it’ accounts. Nonsense abounds.
Let's put to one side for the moment that humans simply aren’t that bouncy and that when we collide with major obstacles we often end up pretty dead or broken.
What is wrong with telling mums to bounce back after giving birth?
It sets us up to fail
People are having children later. Older bodies are even less ‘bouncy’ than their younger counterparts. Even if ‘bouncing back’ was the right thing to aim for, the average mum these days is not going to meet that expectation. An expectation set higher than the average person can meet is an expectation that is set too damn high
It minimises the significance of giving birth
“You can bounce back” is what you say to someone after a mild set-back. We don’t tell soldiers traumatised from battle that they can bounce back with a special herbal remedy. We don’t tell people who have just had major surgery to bounce back. If you have a friend with depression I bet you don’t recommend them a 30 day ab routine as the solution to all their problems. Why not? Because it’s clearly a ridiculous notion that someone could simply ‘get over’ these things. It’s advice that totally misunderstands or minimises the gravity of the situation.
It promises impossible rewards
Purveyors of the bounce back advice also tend to imply that when you reconnect with your pre-pregnancy six-pack (and I can’t be the only one who never had one of those) you will also get back all the other parts of your pre-baby life. Do you feel tired? Bounce back! Do you struggle to get out and about in the way you used to? Bounce back! But let’s imagine for a minute that we do get back our pre-pregnancy abs. Is that going to make my baby sleep longer? Is it going to reduce the huge amount of paraphernalia I have to take with me every time I take my child out of the house? Will I suddenly be able to take any amount of alone time that I want? Of course not. The only way I can go back to my pre-baby life is to no longer have a baby. Maybe there are people selling that in some dark corner of the Internet but certainly not in these Insta reels of sculpted bodies in on-trend Lycra.
It forgets matrescence
The most troubling reason of all is that telling people, or selling people, how to bounce back really creates the impression that we should all want to do that. But not only can we not bounce back (see reasons 1-3), we might not even want to. Personally, I plan to go forward. I'm much more interested in understanding motherhood and making space for the ways in which I have or could change as a result than I am in bouncing back to before.
Every interesting argument, Beverly - exactly. Why are we being told that we need to 'bounce back' to our pre-baby body, hobbies, likes/dislikes, and sleep? It neglects so much of the significant change and transition we went through as women, and that transition is multilevelled - psychologically, physically, emotionally, and, I will dare to say, spiritually. Could we imagine putting the same pressure of hitting-puberty adolescent with, say, 'hey, when that is over, you can simply go back to being a child again!'? It is more about assimilating and integrating these changes, rather than aiming for a return to the past.